It was two months ago that I transferred from the main hospital to the rehab hospital.  On the whole, this was a major step forward – nonetheless, rehab is not home: notably the shower situation.  Occupational therapists are obligated to watch you doing many daily activities including showering before they certify that you can safely be discharged from their services.  I understand the rules, and I’m willing to play along and accept certain indignities as a patient in a rehab facility, including mandatory toddler leashes.  But that doesn’t explain why I had to take the shower test not once, not twice, but THRICE while I was at there.  Since the nurses were reporting that I increasingly looked and acted more like a visitor than a patient, I thought that by itself ought to get me a passing grade on the shower test. homer1

By the end, I got into deal making.  When the third therapist asked to watch me shower, I bargained: “Perhaps you could watch me shave and put my contacts in, which are infinitely more delicate skills than staying upright in a shower?”  No deal.  They needed The Full Monty before I could go home.

On the whole, being a patient in a hospital (even a very nice one) is infantilizing: your clothes, food, medications, and activities are pre-arranged for you.  Perhaps some people find comfort in regressing and leaving your entire life in other people’s hands, but not me.  I would much rather dress in my proper work clothes, shower in decent privacy, and manage my own calendar, thank you very much.

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